Blog: What Happened to my Marriage? – Part 2

meg ryan faking orgasm men women communication marriage talk to me thinking

Read Part 1 here.

So this entry I’m going to deal first with this question:

1) Do men really know what women are thinking?

In a word….No.

meg ryan faking orgasm men women communication marriage talk to me thinking
It’s all Greek to men. Up in here.

Most men don’t *know* that women are designed to, and need to, bond, especially to get something out of marital sex. (Pre-marital sex is a different thing for women, I’ll address that at another time, but don’t believe the hype.) Most men make the mistake of thinking that women are driven by a physical need like *we* are, that’s the problem.

But what women don’t know about men is, that we do not *need* to bond to have sex, and the pursuing of you that we do is *because* we want a regular source of sex. Without that motivation, men would not pursue you. This seems to come as a surprise to many women, as they often project their female system of wanting to get the best ‘catch,’ and deeply wanting to not be alone onto men. Most men(except for needy men) aren’t that way.

2) What are men thinking after the altar?

Many men feel like, once they’ve married, that “Welp. I’ve done my job and married her, so she should know that I love her. And she should know that I need regular sex now, and she should do meg ryan faking orgasm men women communication marriage talk to me thinkingher job the same way I go to work every day and do mine.”
And that’s just not how women and marital relationships work. This is one of the unrealistic expectations that MEN have….that no longer making a focused effort to talk to your wife will result in her still being sexually available to you on the regular, as if *her* need is the same as *ours.*

Men also want drama free sex; we do not like jumping through hoops to get sex. Men want to come home to an available woman. If that doesn’t happen, that’s why we get angry and turn to other things, because a man doesn’t feel like he should have to KEEP working for it after he’s married you. We’ve bought the cow(no I’m not calling women cows, I’m using a common expression). Everybody knows that the milk comes along with the cow. Because for men, the central expectation of marriage is a regular source of sex. There is absolutely no way on this blue green earth that men would ever even *entertain* the idea of marriage if we didn’t think that regular sex was a part of it.

3) What are women thinking after the altar?

Women don’t seem to feel that way, that now that they’re married that their part of the deal is to supply regular sex to their husbands. Women rather tend to feel like:

Talk to me, romance me, be interested in me, complement me, pay the bills, raise the children right, for God’s SAKE don’t say the wrong thing, be faithful to me, care about my emotions, don’t think anybody is prettier than me, don’t act like it’s a chore to be with me, act like I’m skinny especially if I’m not, I want you to want to want me, be a leader when you need to, sacrifice when you need to,

and THEN I’ll give you sex. Miss any item on that list and I’ll get angry and resentful and tell you that you’re selfish and insensitive but I’ll for sure keep using your last name when I sign my checks because I get to keep MY benefits but YOU better learn to be perfect, Mister mister.

And none of that, not one DROP of that, is what the Bible teaches. That’s why the games we play, on both sides, don’t work.

4) How does God tell us to treat our sexuality inside of marriage?

We can find the instruction of God right here:

meg ryan faking orgasm men women communication marriage talk to me thinking adam eve God sex
Baby we eatin’ this fruit.

I Corinthians 7:1-5 (KJV)

1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

Here’s that same scripture passage in the New International Version:

I Corinthians 7:1-5 (NIV)

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

God Almighty, the One that invented marriage, says that both parties are to surrender their bodies to the sexual availability and satisfaction of the other person. That is the proper way to be married; we are not to defraud one another, or else Satan gets in the marriage. That’s plain as day, and we see that play out in life all the time. But to live in obedience to this command takes a cross; a crucified life; according to the Scriptures, however, this is the way to handle sexuality in a marriage. It’s also been pointed out to me that, some wives want sex more than some husbands; in those situations, a man has to sacrifice his lower drive for his wife’s higher drive, even seeking medical help if necessary.

meg ryan faking orgasm men women communication marriage talk to me thinking adam eve God sex
Welcome to the Reality of Marriage.

This marriage and sex thing simply is. not. easy. We have to work at it, and obey God if we want it all to work.

Next up: Whose Fault Is It?

Blog: What Happened to my Marriage? – Part 1

Unrealistic Expectations men women marriage frustration communication talk to me

I made a comment on April Cassidy’s blog that got a lot of response and questions, so I wanted to repost my answer here on my own blog. You can also check out my video series about this.

1) The Initial Statement

I made a statement that, I thought that the reason many women were bitter and disappointed in their marriages was because of unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic Expectations men women marriage frustration communication talk to meTo elaborate even further: Continue reading “Blog: What Happened to my Marriage? – Part 1”

Blog: Why Won’t My Husband Go To Counseling?

Marriage men women counseling

This information was originally published as a response to The Peaceful Wife/April Cassidy’s Blog Post entitled, I Feel So Spiritually Alone in my Marriage, but I wanted to repost it as a standalone post here, because this is a question I get asked all the time. Why, exactly, do married men make such a focused effort to resist counseling if the marriage is in trouble? Here’s why:

It’s because counseling has at least three elements that are completely repugnant to men: Continue reading “Blog: Why Won’t My Husband Go To Counseling?”

Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 7

Teaching, Prophet David Taylor, David Taylor II, PDT, PDT2, #PDT, #PDTNetwork

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

Read Part 3 Here

Read Part 4 Here

Read Part 5 Here

Read Part 6 Here
The seventh and final pillar of an effective church? Discipleship.

Ephesians 4:11-13(KJV)

11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;
12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

The whole point of the Fivefold Ministry? Is to build people up. Christians are supposed to come into the unity of the faith. There is a unity in God that very few of us enjoy, because we are never taught about it. Continue reading “Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 7”

Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 6

Evangelism, Prophet David Taylor, David Taylor II, PDT, PDT2, #PDT, #PDTNetwork

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

Read Part 3 Here

Read Part 4 Here

Read Part 5 Here
The sixth pillar of an effective church? Evangelism.

Matthew 28:16 – 20(KJV)

16 Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them.
17 And when they saw him, they worshipped him: but some doubted.
18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

This passage is commonly referred to as “The Great Commission,” which is rather ironic. Because Jesus said to go and teach all nations, but what we heard was “convince worldly people to come to church.” But it’s in this sixth pillar that many problems are solved. Continue reading “Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 6”

Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 5

David Taylor II, Prophet David Taylor, #PDT, #PDTNetwork, Bible Christian Religious Worship Christianity, Christ healing the sick

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

Read Part 3 Here

Read Part 4 Here
The fifth pillar of an effective church? Healing & Deliverance.

Matthew 4:23,24(KJV)

23 And Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people.
24 And his fame went throughout all Syria: and they brought unto him all sick people that were taken with divers diseases and torments, and those which were possessed with devils, and those which were lunatick, and those that had the palsy; and he healed them.

This is absolutely one of the most neglected areas of contemporary Christian ministry. It is astounding the way healing and deliverance has been, at best, relegated to only certain denominations. Continue reading “Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 5”

Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 4

David Taylor II, Prophet David Taylor, #PDT, #PDTNetwork, Bible Christian Religious Worship Christianity

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

Read Part 3 Here
The fourth pillar of an effective church? Prophetic Worship.

1 Chronicles 25:1-7(NKJV)

25 Moreover David and the captains of the army separated for the service some of the sons of Asaph, of Heman, and of Jeduthun, who should prophesy with harps, stringed instruments, and cymbals. And the number of the skilled men performing their service was: Of the sons of Asaph: Zaccur, Joseph, Nethaniah, and Asharelah; the sons of Asaph were under the direction of Asaph, who prophesied according to the order of the king. Continue reading “Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 4”

Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 3

Peter preaching on the Day of Pentecost

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

Part 3 today concerns Anointed Preaching. The best of example of what I’m talking about is found in Peter’s inaugural address on the Day of Pentecost, found in Acts 2:14-42(NLT):

14 Then Peter stepped forward with the eleven other apostles and shouted to the crowd, “Listen carefully, all of you, fellow Jews and residents of Jerusalem! Make no mistake about this. 15 These people are not drunk, as some of you are assuming. Nine o’clock in the morning is much too early for that. 16 No, what you see was predicted long ago by the prophet Joel:

Continue reading “Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 3”

Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 1

Is there anything worse than an ineffective church?

I am using the word ‘church’ to mean the Christian Church and its traditions, throughout its myriad and varied history, but I will be speaking from a Protestant perspective as I have never been Catholic. There are two excellent polls that show the breakdown of all religious affiliations in America; The Pew Research Report says that 78% of Americans identify as Christian, and it also gives additional information on how people in America practice their faith. The ABC News Poll claims that 83% of Americans identify as Christian, while giving a denominational breakdown as well.

So if this country is over 3/4 Christian, why is it going to Hell in a hand basket?

I submit that it is because we are ineffective as a church. And we are ineffective because we are not listening to the Lord. Continue reading “Blog: Seven Pillars of an Effective Church – Part 1”